Abstract This chapter explores the futile lexpionage (lexical + espionage) of the Academy of the Hebrew Language. During the past century, Israeli has become the primary mode of communication in all domains of Israel’s public and private life. Issues of language are so sensitive in Israel that politicians are often involved. For example, in an article in Ha’aretz (21 June 2004), the late left-wing politician Yossi Sarid attacked the (most widespread) ‘common language of éser shékel’ as inarticulate and monstrous, and urged civilians to fight it and protect ‘Hebrew’. However, most Israelis say éser shékel ‘ten shekels’ rather than asar-á shkal-ím (original Hebrew pronunciation: [ʕǎśåˈrå ʃəqåˈli:m]), the former literally meaning ‘ten (masculine singular) shekel (masculine singular)’, the latter ‘ten (feminine singular) shekels (masculine plural)’, and thus having a ‘polarity-of-gender agreement’—with a feminine numeral and a masculine plural noun, which is a Biblical Hebrew norm, not so in Israeli. Brought into being by legislation in 1953 as the supreme institute for Hebrew, the Academy of the Hebrew Language prescribes standards for Israeli grammar, lexis (vocabulary), orthography, transcription, and vocalization (vowel marking) ‘based upon the study of Hebrew’s historical development’. This chapter critically analyses the Academy’s mission, as intriguingly—and in my view oxymoronically—defined in its constitution: ‘to direct the development of Hebrew in light of its nature’. It throws light on the dynamics within the committees’ meetings, and exposes some U-turn decisions made by the Academy.